The track came about when I found a cheap plastic, no-name, made-in-China, keyboard (the kind of thing you find in a pound shop) in the house of a family member who had died and its basic drumbeats, and wonky keyboard sounds formed the basis of the song.

Prior to their death they had become a little reclusive and sadly, their life had always seemed underlived. This resonated with a part of my life where I struggled with my mental health and also reminded me of something I had read years ago where a palliative nurse in Australia had listed the top five regrets people had when they were close to death. Unsurprisingly they included ‘I wish I hadn't worked so hard’, ‘I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends’ and ‘I wish that I had let myself be happier’.

Having had work seriously impact my own mental health I know how difficult it is to get out of the quicksand of depression. I kept making lists of grand things I wanted to do, and my inertia meant I never achieved, and this made the feelings of failure worse. In the end I took drastic action to break the cycle and quit my job with nothing else to go to. Not a wise idea but necessary and I was very lucky to have a financial buffer to give me time off and job hunt.

At the same time, I began making small course corrections that made a big difference. I started walking, not too far at first, made some tentative steps into writing and returned to making my own music as well as listening to more music and going to gigs. Years on my mental health is robust and I walk regularly, write reviews for Joyzine.org and have filled up hard drives with my own music, been involved in some great collaborations with other artists and a formed a band.

“This is no rehearsal make the most of your life”

www.mind.org.uk
www.samaritans.org